I’m scared to write. Scared because I don’t know how far I’ll go with it. What I will say. Scared because it won’t make sense, maybe not. No, definitely not. Scared because I’m haunted by thousands of thoughts in my new late night and early morning cycle.
I’m scared that I will repeat content. Scared that I will sound boring. Scared of grammar and the mistakes I am prone to making. Scared of the mistakes I am prone to making. Scared of the mistakes I made. Scared of the mistakes I make in my late night and early morning cycle.
I am freaked out by the prospect of letting people in again. Freaked by the possibility of their disdain towards the machinations of my mind and my being. Freaked out by the ‘per chance’ s and the ‘happenstances’ of rejection. Freaked out by rejection. Freaked out you won’t have me. Freaked out in my late night, early mornings cycle.
Late nights, early mornings. My new rhythm. I am afraid of it. Afraid of what it does to me. Zombiefys. I am afraid that I need you more than ever, yet I lie to myself that I am not afraid of being alone. I am afraid that I will be forever, alone. Afraid that you don’t think of me as much as I do you. Afraid that you already went ahead and replaced me. I am afraid of you and how hooked,I get to you. I am afraid of my need for you to get through my late nights and early mornings cycle.
I hope. Still. In the midst of my dark fear. I hope. I yearn. I will. I will you to talk and think of me. I yearn for your smile, your laugh, your nearness. I hope late nights and early mornings will not forever be spent alone. My dark fears will hopefully melt into yearning. Still. I hope I’ll be yours one day.
Think of me, in your late nights, and early mornings.